I’m pretty happy with my life these days. So happy, that I would say I didn’t know I wanted anything more until it was dangled in front of my face. Kind of like how you don’t know you want a new car until your next door neighbor drives home in one and invites you over to admire all the cool features. This happened with me over the past two weeks. Not with a car, but a job.
I got an email about a job match, asking me to apply. It sounded (and still sounds) like my dream job. Basically, I would be doing what I already do but gain more contacts in the publishing industry and make more money. So, of course, I applied. I checked my email diligently and delighted each time I was asked to submit more information in another round of the hiring process.
The last email I received was almost a week ago, promising to give me word this week on the next step. Yep, it’s Saturday night, and my personal inbox is filled with nothing but notifications from Facebook and Zulily. By this point, I’m sure my application got the axe along the way. I began to complain to my husband about how I really wanted the job. Truth be told, I had secretly desired the money more than anything.
The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the LORD is riches, honor, and life. ~Proverbs 22:4 (AMP)
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I struggle with greed. Not the Scrooge Duck swimming in gold coins or Kardashians hiring everyone to do everything type of greed. But rather the type of greed in which I’m always trying to save a buck or two everywhere I can.
I’ve always been a saver and not a spender, but it’s gotten much worse after having kid number two. It’s now sometimes obsessive. Some things I do are almost laughable to anyone else. Like filling out every survey on my food receipts to maybe get a free sandwich next time. Or teaching at the gym to save approximately $65 a month on a membership and childcare.
After feeling a little down about this job, I realized that I needed to chill out about money. I sometimes catch myself adding up what all I had written from whom that day, what I designed for where, and if I taught a gym class. Then I would subconsciously add up how much money I made that day.
This led to an epiphany. I was putting all of my trust in my own efforts (or my husband’s and mine combined) to provide for my family. When, in reality, it is all because of God that we have jobs and the skills and talents to do those jobs. For a couple of days, I had lost my humility. I hope and pray I can get better about my money stress. (So feel free to pray for me in this area.) And I think a good start would be staying humble and trusting in God.