Stick a fork in me. I’m done!

I’m tired.

Nothing new, as my son used that chosen phrase as a kindergartener to mimic me. But lately, it’s grown beyond physical tiredness. Although that still exists. I told my husband I would have more energy if I exercised regularly, but I don’t have enough energy to exercise. True Story.

Tonight I admitted I’d like to crawl in a hole for about half a week and hide out. I’m a huge extrovert, but there’s something appealing about staying in my room with nothing but my laptop, pillows, and a limitless supply of Diet Mountain Dew. Seriously, I’ve contemplated faking quarantine.

Why?

A mixture of reasons. Work, school (my kids, not me—thank you, Jesus!), church, extracurriculars. It’s like I’m one of those bendy rubber toys from the 1980s getting pulled in four different directions. But my internal wires have broken and I can’t bend back. I’m a pile of rubber remains in desperate need of rewiring.

I’m doing All The Things . . . (except exercise).

My crockpot game is strong, I’m reading my Bible, working with the kids on school and sports, and juggling deadlines for multiple jobs. I even did my taxes today!

But there’s always this nagging feeling that I’m never doing enough. Every decision I make, I second guess myself. Did I explain that Sunday school lesson well enough? Am I expecting too much from church? Why did I fall asleep instead of working on another chapter? Am I making my kids do enough to succeed? Ten minutes later: Am I pushing my kids too hard?

My mind is a constant cycle of “what if.” Meanwhile, social media is like the crazy old relative who pops up at the most inconvenient times. (Shoutout to Aunt Misty! IYKYK) Social media fast, you say? That would be awesome if it weren’t Part Of My Job! It never fails that when my kids are acting up a timehop of them all precious pops up. Or if they’re struggling in an area, it’s like the Facebook bots hear me say “We need to work on ____,” and then I get fifty notifications of posts with other kids doing whatever the blank mine aren’t doing.

This in a nutshell is what led me to write Mom Squad.

We all like to post our accolades and achievements. Social media is like the Who’s Who section of the yearbook, except we’re all Best Dressed, vying for Most Popular with our humble brags and pretty posts. Of course, there are the Debbie Downers who love to lament about their troubles to drum up a healthy dose of the Care Emjoi.

That leaves the rest of us stuck in the murky middle.

We’re scrolling and eye rolling wondering if it’s a sin to lie when the pediatrician asks what our kids ate that day for breakfast. Uh, nothing Dr. Karen, this is an 8 am appointment in the dead of summer.

I know I can’t be the only one out there feeling this way. If you’re in the Mom Squad, struggling to juggle all the jobs, I salute you. And if you’re not . . . bless your heart anyway.